I want to discuss for a moment something that is on my heart and that these three crocheted dolls mean to me and why I made them: surrogacy.
I am a surrogate.
I’m not going to tell you getting a surrogate or being a surrogate is easy or quick or free of risks.
Nope definitely not.
It is costly to the Intended Parents (IPs) even in Canada where paying surrogates and egg donors is illegal.
It is an emotional process full of delays, chemical pregnancies, failed transfers and miscarriages.
It is a process some IPs leave with debt and no baby. IVF has no guarantees.
For the surrogate, there are risks of IVF treatment, including the side effects of hormones, risk of carrying multiples and risks of miscarriage ontop of the normal risks of pregnancy.
A surrogate takes on the infertility of her IPs. She feels the pain of letting her IPs down if the transfers fail. The pressure is real.
So why do it? Why in this messed up world that is overpopulated would someone become a surrogate?
And why don’t couples adopt?
I am going to answer the second part first. ADOPTION IS NOT EASY! It can take years if ever. As someone with two biological children, how can i say to someone, “Just adopt,” when that’s not what I did either. Some people choose to adopt and that is fantastic! Some people crave the biological connection and to experience pregnancy themselves or through their surrogate.
And in some parts of the world is it illegal for gay couples to adopt, which is the case for my IPs. Surrogacy is also illegal for them so they had to come to Canada to fill their dreams of parenthood.
I can’t tell you why every surrogate or every IP choses this course. I can only give you my perspective and I hope it resonates how its meant too.
Why I am a surrogate:
- LOVE – this is the ultimate reason. I love my IPS! They are kind, funny, intelligent and compassionate people. In a world that has too much evil, the kind of child they will raise will be a source of light!
- I want to show my support for the gay community. I know there are women who look to surrogates for help, but for me personally, I needed to show love and support for a community that has been far too often judged, attacked and criminalized. Love does not judge my friends. Love just loves.
- Baby snuggles! I want to experience pregnancy again and to hold a newborn and smell that newborn smell. I do not want any more children of my own. So its either surrogacy or wait to see if I’ll ever be a grandma!
- Purpose and passion – this has given me more purpose and passion than anything else has in years. It is what i am meant to do. It is not a perfect system. There are risks. But I am compelled.
- Teaching my children to give – my kids are so excited! Ella plans to give the baby a colouring book and Jer plans to find the softest stuffie so baby can snuggle.
- THESE FACES –
So back to the crochet!
My IPs remind me of Where’s Waldo and Harry Potter. So I made the dolls along with a baby version of the two dolls mixed! Crochet for me is a way to express my love and creativity. It has also been a life-saver as a deal with the stresses along this journey.
I don’t know how this journey will end, but I honour this moment and life as it is now ❤